Month: November 2016

#Loveofallkinds

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Love, because how else do you open doors to growth, happiness and peace?

Love, because how else do you become a more refined version of yourself?

Love, because how else do you learn to become more available for others and yourself?

Love, because how long can you possibly guard your fragile heart and remain surrendered to fear?

Love, because true strength lies in being vulnerable and being soft – with yourself and others.

Love, because even if there’s a risk of heartbreak and pain, there are rewards far more valuable than those transient waves of sadness.

Love, because when you choose love, you choose life.

#love #loveofallkinds

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Peanut Butter + Strawberry Jam on a Rice Cake 

With my appetite being on the low side for the last few months, and now that I am finally back from a holiday,  I had to find ways to make sure I don’t stuff my body (because my stomach seriously can’t handle it) while ensuring that I am still eating something. 

Any form of grains tend to cause me too much bloating and heaviness in my gut but because I do have other pain medications to take other than just the antibiotics for SIBO, I try to at least have something relatively light and easy on my gut. There’s no SIBO specific diet I need to follow for now. 

Over the last one week or so, I’ve observed that a piece of rice cracker  doesn’t seem to over-bloat me and fills me up just enough to keep my body functioning. It’s been working well for now and plus, there is just no limit to the different toppings you can enjoy it with! 
 

To be here 

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And today I realized,

I’m quite at peace with where I’m at. 

Of course, there will always be things to work on and move towards,

and every once in a while I will get  overwhelmed with everything that’s going wrong and experience a  meltdown for a while – it’s part of the healing process too.

But to be here,

present in this very moment,

with a fragile body that hurts twenty-four-seven,

and still feel alright deep down

is nothing short of an achievement.

The way things were going,

I didn’t think it was ever possible – this ability to be okay with a disability and exist without too much dependence on someone. 

Nature always does something to me. It gets me thinking (in a good way) and in some ways, brings out the real me in me. 

As I sat there by the water today, looking at the magnificent colours around me,

I knew it was all okay. And going to be okay. 

I was there with my knees swollen but my heart was full of love and gratitude. 

All that I need in this phase of life, I already have. 

A big thank you to all those who are a part of my journey. 

Love,
Manasi

SC n J 

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My attempt to finish off the leftover bread at home so I can back to reducing my gluten intake once again :)

Toasted fruit and nut loaf + sour cream + strawberry jam is such a heavenly combination!

This has to be the most unhealthy sandwich I’ve ever prepared for myself. Oh so worth it! Perfect for when you’re in pain and want to stay in bed because you can’t do anything else.

Paddle Boat 

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Let me tell you a short story about yesterday.

So I left home with a friend, expecting to go to a flea market and be back home within two hours. The flea market turned out rather pathetic so we landed up in this adorable cafe and had traditional Chinese milk tea + an almond cake. Then, since I was extremely excited about finally being out (not a medical appointment for once) after my flight back from India took a toll on me, I thought I could handle a couple more hours of staying out. We decided to go this beautiful place and sit by the water and think about life.

What happened next was totally unexpected and impulsive – instead of just sitting by the water, we went on a paddle boat for an hour. At this point, I must tell you that I love water (I think it has some healing effect on me) and I’ve always enjoyed water sports as a child. Just about seven years ago, I was close to getting a kayaking license and was looking forward to kayaking to some nearby island.

Okay, back to the present – some memories came flooding in and I was surprised that none of them made me sad or upset. Past is gone for a reason and my reason here (health) is of immense value, something most chronically ill people understand. I realized that paddle boating was probably the closest I was goinh to get to any form of water sports now so why not just give it a shot?

 The seats didn’t exactly look comfortable and were clearly at an angle that’s bad for my back. The paddles too, were located at an angle not quite right for my knees but even then… I wanted to give it a shot. I trusted my friend to take over when I needed a break so we hopped onto the paddle boat and went paddling away.

Well, we had a blast. We literally blasted Bollywood songs and laughed our heads off. Unfortunately, the winds were pretty strong and the waves were kind of harsh so we needed to be towed back after our time was up. I was kind of tired anyway so I’m glad we got a quick ride back.

So today, I woke up with noticeably high pain levels and extreme tightness in my lower back. It’s a challenge to walk around the house and I had to cancel Pilates just to stay in and rest my inflamed lower body. My calves, hamstrings and glutes really did a lot of work last evening. You might think that’s good, but trust me, this isn’t your after-workout-feel-good-and-sexy kind of pain I’m talking about.

Anyway, to conclude my little story. I’m super happy that I attempted something new. Something from my past but not quite. Something more present. And, I realized that it’s something that didn’t quite work for me – which is fine because I’ve got more information about my limitations. So do I regret getting on it? Yes and no. Yes, because dude pain is never fun. And no, because a part of me would’ve continuously longed for that experience and the sheer possibility of it perhaps not hurting me would’ve bothered the shit out of me.

Now I know better and next time, I’m taking one more person along with me so I can rest and the other two can paddle. Royal treatment? Sure, that’s better than being royally screwed (by pain) later.

Love,

Manasi