There’s a high possibility that I cut my hair shorter than usual this time. Looks like my arms won’t be able to handle the usual length this time around. That’s okay, I’ve got more important things to think about at once I’m back home so saving on some much needed spoons would be of good help.
I’m pretty sure that my next few days will be awesome too. I can sense that my body is tired from trying to hold itself up but I’m still quite excited about the last few days I’ve got in India.
After three years of having no holiday, a break was definitely needed. I’m glad I got some time away from my routine, to let my hair down a little and re-look at my priorities.
All that said, anything in excess is a sign of imbalance and nothing in excess has ever proven to be good for anyone. Seeking balance has helped me learn to manage this illness and I now see the scale tipping in one direction.
So, before this break (intended to be relaxing) starts to “break” me down physically, I believe it’s time for me to return and channel all my focus and energy towards things that keep me going.
After all, I’ve got a long way to go in this body.
Back to tending to my loose shoulders, inflamed neck, cramped calf, flared up back and wobbly knee caps. Good day, everyone! 💕Love to all.
Just about three years back, probably towards the middle of a very #dark phase of hating my body, I swore upon myself to never travel until I felt #ready. Unfortunately, I didn’t believe I’d ever feel ready enough to live in this body or #travel with it. While most people of my age were getting excited about traveling, I was feeling trapped in a body that only looked normal.
There came a point where I didn’t want anything more but to be able to look after myself, #trust my body again and be okay with where I was at. It was such a #challenge because there was absolutely nothing trustworthy about my body. I realized I could care less about seeing the world or chasing goals if I couldn’t even wash my own hair or walk around my own house.
I left a part of my past behind, took a couple of major leaps of faith and started living on my own. I decided to create a routine which provided me with the kind of stability that my body lacked; that my #environment lacked too. The idea was to build myself up again, to become comfortable with the cards I was dealt , to #empower myself and honour my #health. I had to re-imagine a life that is different and also learn to believe that different doesn’t mean bad.
After three years of the very same #routine and #lifestyle – Physiotherapy, Pilates, allopathic medicines, complimentary therapies, lots of positive-self talk, re-connecting with my creative self, allowing myself to cry and experience grief fully, accepting limitations, fighting for instead of against my body, letting go of people, places and situations which didn’t serve my new self anymore, feeding myself nourishing food, learning to find reasons to be grateful — and something shifted within me. I suddenly craved a #change, a mini #break from this routine that I had created for myself. Some time away from it to see how far I’ve come.
I’ve got more information now. I can see the #progress I’ve made and there’s more to learn. To be honest, I don’t know when I’d feel ready to travel again and this time it doesn’t matter at all. It doesn’t make me feel any less or more because I believe time will come when it must.