How I try to cope with the unpredictable nature of my health

How I try to cope with the unpredictable nature of my health (8.5 years and counting)

1. I make all decisions related to my health on my own because no one else knows my body better. Patient empowerment is so important when dealing with a chronic illness.

2. I trust that my body will respond if I give it enough time and care. I need to allow it time + listen to it closely.

3. I choose to work on acceptance rather than fight the inevitable. It allows me to work with my circumstances from a space of love rather than hate.

4. I acknowledge limitations, suffering and pain and put more focus on opportunities, dealing with emotions and recovery.

5. I choose faith over fear; vulnerability when necessary over strength all the time (it can be pretty unrealistic to be strong all the time).

6. I protect my energy. I’ve learned to say more ‘no’ and less ‘yes’ both politely and affirmatively.

7. I do not track my progress based on what I can do in relation to others.

8. I keep myself updated about the condition + advancements in science. This way, I’m able to make informed and choices.

9. I try to find miracles on a day to day basis. It keeps my hope going for something greater.

10. I am grateful for what I have and who I have around for me (Quality > quantity, as far as possible).

11. I celebrate every little progress I make. Sometimes getting out of bed is progress too.

12. I make flexible plans and routine. Self-care is always at the top of the list.

13. I’m honest about my health with myself and people

14. I do not ask “Why me?” anymore. That question leads to a downward spiral and takes you straight into a shithole.

15. I look at my health as just one part of my experience on this planet. It’s not my health which defines who I am as a person; it’s how I respond to it that does. I can’t just rid my body of the illness but I can definitely work on giving it less power.

I end up having to work with my body as if I’m working with a child. It takes lots of time, effort, love, compassion and consistent practise.

It’s not easy but every response is worth it 💗

Hello, April! 

Just a mini reminder to stay true to your own journey and pace yourself. Time is never in our control but how we use time is.

March was a busy month and I’ve been feeling more exhausted than normal (I know, I know, for those without chronic illness, this must hardly make any sense). The good thing is that whatever was planned for March is all done and that’s one big step in the right direction. However, before I could even allow myself to fully rest, there’s stuff lined up for April which I want to tend to. Half of me is excited and the other half just wants to hibernate because you can never get enough rest when your body is constantly using up a lot more energy.

It feels like there’s hardly any time to recuperate from March! The workaholic, Ms. Productive in me wants to take charge and make things right and “fix” everything and never stop (this is the older version of me who thought she had it all figured out because at one point she did and guess what, I’ve grown to listen to her less and listen to my body more) because time is running out or something. The truth is, it always feels this way unless I take the initiative to really create space and find time for selfcare – to think less in terms of productivity and more in terms of peace, love and what makes me smile from within.

It’s funny how we think we have control over time when all we have control over is how we respond to it. Time continues to fly and do its thing and either we learn to work with it and use it in a way that aligns with our true selves or we let it freak us out and allow it to paralyze us further.

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Day 26: Bedbound

It seems my lower back is just going to take its time to heal and I’m slowly starting to ease in. Once it starts to show signs of recovery, I’m confident I’d be able to build it up all over again (you fall, you get hurt, you accept, you adjust, you love, you heal, you put yourself together and you keep going) because I’ve done it time and again.

I might need to investigate if there’s any new injury or anything to worry about as this has been a rather severe back flare up in the last few months. Let’s hope there’s nothing new in there. I plan to get it checked in a few days, once I get through a few more sessions of physiotherapy and Ayurveda treatment to see if my back responds. I postponed getting it checked earlier because I’m aware of a couple of factors which could be hindering the recovery process.

I’m done resisting the present, hoping and expecting my back to respond just because I have a time frame in mind. I’m slowly easing in, accepting that despite my plans for January 2017, there was a need for me to slow down. And here I am finally allowing myself to. I can’t be more grateful for the support I have right now which makes it possible for me to give my back a break for the time being. I’ve dealt with a great deal of instability for years altogether and realise the importance of having support/stability AND also being grateful for whatever of it you have.

This is not to say that I can wait for too long to feel more like myself again. I feel like a zombie version of myself right now! Truth being said, nobody enjoys experiencing so much pain or dealing with limitations. I seriously despise being unable to do things I’ve worked so hard to get myself to over the last couple of years. I think it’s always good to pause as long as you don’t quit. The  present situation  calls for me to rest, to let go more so my back heals and regains its strength again. I know I’ll be back on my feet soon enough.

Love to all,

MD

❤︎

Day six #bedbound: Back is still at 8/10. Burning. Aching. Spasming. This pain won’t let you rest. You can’t recover without rest. It’s a never-ending, vicious cycle. It hurts so bad that you wish you could dismantle yourself and put your back away for a while. But you can’t. There’s absolutely nothing to make it any better. All you can do is what you always do – listen to the pain, tend to it and relax into being where you are at. Stay present.