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be grateful they say

{A note on gratitude}

When we tell someone to be grateful because someone else has it worse, we make light out of their situation. And when we do that, we invalidate their experience and make them feel like they are less. Like their experience isn’t bad enough. 

You can’t encourage gratitude in someone by igniting fear in them. Gratitude grows in a space of love and faith. Not fear. It doesn’t magically come to you simply because someone else has it worse. It’s a state of mind you work towards, feed and maintain.

glorification​ of busy

we need to stop the

glorification of busy. 

we are all “busy” 

with something or the other. 

how is one person’s busy any busier than that of someone else?

why do we live under the impression 

that more busy = more important? 

or more busy = more successful. 

it’s not how busy you are

that counts. 

it’s what you are busy doing that does. 

and the bottom line is, no one has time for 

anyone or anything that doesn’t hold a certain value. 

the next time you casually tell someone 

“oh, i was just busy”,

take a moment to step out of your mind 

and ask yourself if that’s the truth, a subconsciously cultivated habit or a mere excuse to prove a point you’re afraid to face. 

we’re all a different kind of busy. 

and our busy-ness is worth nothing 

if we aren’t intentional about what we are busy with and who we make time for despite 

all the busy-ness. 

-m

I know I don’t look sick (whatever ‘sick’ looks like anyway) but guess what, I don’t need to look a particular way to be sick. Ten years of dealing with a life-altering chronic illness and I can now say that making others believe what I’m going through is a waste of my precious time and energy. My job is not to try and prove to the world how sick I am or obsess myself with trying to be inspirational. It is to do my best with what I have, work with my body and its limitations and most importantly, live as authentically as possible. This illness is a major part of my experience on this planet but it isn’t my entire story. #sick #invisible #invisibleillness #ehlersdanlossyndrome #hypermobility #chronicpain #chronicillness #sibo #guthealth #acceptance #reality #selfcare #selflove #embraceyourself

when i find myself bedridden once in a while, the one thing i still struggle with is letting myself rest without guilt. i’ve come a long way in terms of allowing myself grace when my body is not doing well but when a flare continues for over a week or two, the feelings of guilt need to attended to.

what has helped me is to look at the concept of rest differently. i was subconsciously programmed to think that sleep was for losers and to work while others rested, but as my body started falling apart and resting became imperative to my health, i started seeing how resting when needed + scheduling rest days into my planner just as i would a doctor’s appointment was more like an investment.

the more i become okay with doing less, the more i could take on physically. the more i prioritised needed rest, like one needs food or shelter, the more i could focus on other priorities. try to do the math yourself and see how if you made peace with resting now, you’d recover and return to things you wish to do sooner.

p.s. i’m going for my MRI later today. it’ll confirm if there’s any new injury due to my recent fall and if medical attention is needed. if not, I’ll peacefully continue with my usual action plan of rest, recovery and rehabilitation until i’m back on my feet again.

this.❗️acknowledging pain doesn’t make you weak❗️I understand the concerns of most healthy people but I’m sick of receiving messages asking me to stay strong. Just as being busy is glorified, so is being strong. What’s with people telling people to be strong all the time? I am strong and I am in unbearable pain. How about we get more comfortable speaking about pain and suffering rather than covering what’s uncomfortable by glorifying being strong? Real strength lies in being vulnerable and reaching out. Speaking about pain makes us stronger, on our own and together. Please, also, don’t ask me to preoccupy my mind with something else or distract myself from the pain. Maybe with a fracture or a sprain, sure. And for the sake of love, don’t ask me to smile through pain. It’s not possible with the kind of pain I’m talking about today. If you’ve been following me for a while, you would know my approach to dealing with this illness — I have a more holistic and soft approach to co-existing with pain and limitations of the illness. You’d know that I am always in pain, always sublaxing a joint or the other, managing some other symptoms out of the many and yet doing my best. Distraction of any sort hasn’t helped once in ten years of living with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome. In fact, when I was in distraction mode and tried to push through, things got worse. What has helped is listening to pain; listening to the wisdom of my body. I so understand that everyone means well and I mostly don’t react to certain things people say because I see they’re trying to be nice. BUT, please, consider that there are times when people like me are experiencing excruciating pain which you simply won’t get unless you are chronically ill yourself. 💞If you don’t know what to say, try a more empathetic and compassionate approach — ask how someone’s doing, if they need any help, tell them it’s okay to take a break, tell them you’re proud of them for living with pain, tell them there is no way you can ever relate but you’re there for them. 💞 #unbearable #chronicillness #invisibleillness #pain #chronicpain #ehlersdanlossyndrome #hypermobility #dislocations #sublaxations #flareup #lowerback #spine #slippeddisc #tailbone #inflammation #patience #chronicpainawareness

Spending the next few days and possibly even the rest of the week in bed. I tried to push through last week, hoping the tightness and spasms in my lower back and sacrum subsided but unfortunately, there has been no progress. Strengthening is on hold for the time being and we’re trying IFT + manual work on my lower back during physiotherapy.

About six days ago, i fell right on my bum while taking a photo of a friend and since then, my already triggered lower back pain got much worse. Having a sublaxed tailbone and two slipped discs makes pain unbearable sometimes. Add injury or impact of any sort and that takes it to another level. My reaction was to get more physiotherapy done, tend to it using all my pain management techniques and increase my dose of analgesics and anti-inflammatories.

Yesterday, however, just as I was trying to get out of bed, I realised I couldn’t possibly let this continue. I had to finally pause and listen to my body. I need to provide it with a conducive environment to heal and recover. I now need to allow it time and give myself permission to rest without guilt. Starting today, I’m going to do just that. I’ll work on my coaching coursework and do what is possible from my bed, pacing and resting when necessary. It’s time to give it time.

Roasted curried veggies with coconut milk

Roasted curried veggies with drizzled coconut milk for lunch today. There’s literally a farm in here. Roasting stuff has been helping me save some energy because I just chop everything up, dump all the spices and throw it into the oven. No more standing by the stove waiting for things to cook. Anything raw doesn’t sit well with me so salads is kind of out of question these days. I mostly make more of stir fry and roast good quality meat and veggies. Also, cooking makes me so happy and I’m realising that I enjoy creating cooking videos too! All I need is an assistant 😛 Volunteers anyone?🙋🏼‍♀️#roastedveggies #cooking #passion #vegetarian #vegan #plantbaseddiet #glutenfree #grainfree #dairyfree #quick #lunch #sibo #spoonielife