My Tape Story

Update: New Website and New Blog

April 3, 2019April 3, 2019 Manasi DalviLeave a comment

Hi there everyone! I know it’s been forever since I posted any updates on here. It’s not that things have been all well for me health wise but it’s just that I’ve been channeling most of my precious time and energy towards building and creating something new, which obviously leaves me with nothing for this blog. I still write on my personal Instagram once in a while and post on my stories, but that’s only if I really feel called to do it or I can’t wait to share Luna’s cuteness with everyone.

Going back to building and creating something new. I am a Certified Life Coach and I am in the process of creating a business from scratch. This time, I am genuinely praying to the Universe for some stability till I manage to get things up and running. But again, that’s not entirely in my control so I’m doing my best with what I have. My intention is to create something sustainable in the long-run so that my health and my business are somewhat in harmony. The thought of being able to work from my bed if I must is too exciting! I love my bed and we have a long-term relationship that I have learned to accept.

So, keeping in mind that self-care will always be my priority, I am trying to find that balance and re-create a routine that works for me. I’m noticing that I can only put it a few hours a day into my work (with pain still bothering me), and need an extra day in the week to rest all day (proclaimed rest day) apart from the weekends. Also, sometimes I wake up and I can’t function, so those days turn into rest days too.I’m being very intentional and directional in terms of my focus and energy, that includes also saying no to things that absolutely add no value to my life and my dreams.

My mantra of taking it one day at a time is still working its magic for me.

Now, the main reason I’m writing this post is to share my new website with you and also invite you to subscribe and share my blog posts. I’ll be writing a post on this new website on a weekly basis and in a few months time, I will also have a monthly Love Memo sent out. To be super honest, the work I’m planning to do and things I will be sharing isn’t for everyone, but if you’re interested in knowing more or my words resonate with you, please feel free to subscribe!

For starters, I’m going to be writing posts on topics like

🌼Radical Self-care

🌼Self-love

🌼Holistic Well-being

🌼Healthy Relationships

🌼Healthy Boundaries

🌼Family Dynamics

🌼Mindfulness

🌼Mental Health

🌼Healing from trauma

I will be writing on this blog from time to time but as I mentioned in the start of this post, I will be focusing most of my time and energy on the new, upcoming stuff! My personal Instagram is where you’d find most of my updates on health and life in general so feel free to follow me on @mdalvi15

That’s all for now.

Love,
M

Update: New Website and New Blog

April 3, 2019 Manasi DalviLeave a comment

Honestly, to would suck to have come so far in terms of my health and personal journey and not be able to use all the lessons and wisdom gained to help others. I feel so ready to start speaking about and discussing things beyond just my physical health. I’ve mentioned this before and I’ll say it again but my physical health is just one aspect of my entire journey so far. It’s chronic but it’s just one part of my story so far and how I’d like to impact the world we live in.

So, keeping in mind that self-care will always be my priority, I am trying to find that balance and re-create a routine that works for me. I’m noticing that I can only put it around 3 hours a day into my work, and need an extra day in the week to rest (proclaimed rest day) apart from the weekends. I’m being very intentional and directional in terms of my focus and energy, that includes also saying no to things that absolutely add no value to my life and my dreams.

My mantra of taking it one day at a time is still working its magic for me.

For starters, I’m going to be writing posts on topics like

🌼Radical Self-care

🌼Self-love

🌼Holistic Well-being

🌼Healthy Relationships

🌼Healthy Boundaries

🌼Family Dynamics

🌼Mindfulness

🌼Mental Health

🌼Healing from trauma

That’s all for now.

Love,
M

{What’s the motivation behind your New Year’s resolutions?}

January 1, 2019January 8, 2019 Manasi DalviLeave a comment

When I was younger, making new year’s resolutions list was my one of my favourite things to do. I was excited and confident because I always knew exactly what I wanted and how to achieve it and of course, my body could handle it. I loved the high I got from ticking off all my resolutions, one by one, throughout the year. It was all so easy! My workaholic and perfectionist tendencies were at play.

Then there came a time when things started to change. Sticking to or even making New Year’s resolutions became a challenge. If I made a list, I’d find myself beating myself over not being able to tick off anything. I still kept trying – resisting my changing reality, fighting my body, attaching my self-worth to what I did (career/passion), what (or who) I had around me and how I looked.

Until one day, my internal and external world fell apart. I felt crushed.

And that’s when the obsession to make and achieve New Year’s resolutions ended forever. I’m thankful it did.

Over the last few years of committing myself to a lot of internal work, healing and personal development, I realised one very powerful thing:

when we make new year’s resolutions, we tend to make them from a space of not having, doing, being enough. It comes from a space of fear or judgement towards ourselves. Our focus is on what is lacking in order for us to feel good rather than appreciating what we have and feeling good in the moment.

While the above is true for everyone, it is definitely a greater struggle for people who are chronically ill and have some serious, day to day limitations. We make a list, things go differently, we feel responsible, experience guilt and shame for not being able to achieve anything and end up hating ourselves as if it were our fault to be born in a body with limitations. Soon, it turns into a vicious cycle. I urge you to celebrate smallest of your victories, be it getting out of bed, making tea for yourself, writing an article, doing 5 squats, making it to therapy or even just taking time to breathe — celebrate them.

It’s great if you’ve made a list of resolutions for 2019 but I’m going to take this opportunity and encourage you to dig deeper. Ask yourself the difficult questions.

What’s my motivation? What feelings am I avoiding? Why do I think these resolutions matter? What is it that I really need instead? Where does this need come from? How can I make peace with where I’m at? Answer them with courage and honesty.

This isn’t to say that you shouldn’t have a list of things you want to achieve. It’s just that by becoming really honest with yourself about it, you are better able to align yourself with your personal truths before you start taking steps towards your goals and desires. Focus on intention, small action steps and feelings of appreciation and gratitude.

#2019

December 24, 2018 Manasi DalviLeave a comment

{Baby Moon}

December 18, 2018December 18, 2018 Manasi DalviLeave a comment

{grateful} Believe it or not, I think she came into my life to help me move forward. I went to get here but I was called to get her — does that make sense? It does to me. I had plans of getting a protection dog here (service dog isn’t a thing in India yet) because I needed some peace of mind that I’ll be okay. The move from Singapore to India has been hard on me but that’s also not surprising. And then one day, I’m looking for kittens online with the name ‘Luna’ at the back of my mind.

The next day I find Luna, the day after I go and pick her up. She made me get out of the house and out of my mind. I went by car to get her (I can’t stand car rides) and I took her to the vet on my own when she was ill. It was my very first time stepping out on my own in India. First time ever. I’ve always been accompanied by someone or the other all my life (whenever in India) and here I was, with a kitten in my bag, travelling deep into a highly-overwhelming city looking for a vet I’ve never met before.

Nursing her back to health (doc said she was so weak we could’ve lost her) sort of took away the extra noise in my mind. The worry. The uncertainty. The fear around having moved to a new place. It didn’t vanish completely (I doubt it will for a while) but it faded away into the background. It made me pause and focus on what was important: my health and Luna’s recovery. I was just about starting to walk after being bedridden for 6 weeks so looking after myself while looking after her was rather difficult. But I knew it had to be done. We were meant to meet. Sometimes our intuition guides us in ways we don’t fully understand. It was subtle but clear for me that Luna and I were going to meet. I love her like my own child. And, looking after her has validated it for me that I do not want kids of my own. Of course, I do have a list of reasons why and deep down, I feel like that’s my truth. We’ll see how things go. Grateful to have met Luna. Waking up next to this face warms my heart 😍

“distract yourself or find a hobby”

December 13, 2018December 14, 2018 Manasi DalviLeave a comment

Most people think that people like me who spend a lot of time at home are in need of hobbies or distractions of some sort. You know, something that can take our focus off our pain and suffering.

After ten years of dealing with Ehlers-danlos Syndrome Hypermobility Type, I can tell you this — while you can’t get your focus off pain entirely even for a fraction of a second, you can learn to acknowledge its existence, know that it’s going to be there with you and still find ways to work with and around it.

People like me who have had to leave a full-time job and figure out new ways to become financially independent (whether fully or partially), will once every while come across someone who tells us to distract ourselves from our experience or find hobbies since we have nothing else to do (according to some). The thing is, not all of us are looking for distractions or hobbies.

Whatever you see me doing outside of my health routine are things I WANT to do for reasons you may not always know. There is usually a detailed thought-process behind things I choose to do or not do.

I am currently completing a life coaching certification not because I am desperately in need of a hobby but because it’s been a personal and professional goal for me. It is something that calls for my strengths and aligns with my purpose. I want to be able to extend support while trying to support myself. I’ve always wanted to do it with the intention of setting up a business, one which doesn’t jeopardize my progress and allows me to work from home or bed for that matter. It might take time but that’s okay with me. I’m not doing it because I have nothing better to do. I’m doing it because I WANT to do it.

I taught classes throughout last year because working with people, helping them channel their creative energy, creating a space where people from all walks of life come together and open up is what I wanted to do. It was catching up big time and just then we decided to move countries. For me, conducting group classes centred in creativity and healing was a step in the right direction. Something that now makes me feel prepared to be a coach. I didn’t do it because I needed a distraction. I did it because it felt right. And just like most people my age, I wanted to be able to at least partially pay for myself.

I write (and share) because I believe writing is healing. I write with the hope of building a connection and community. Again, not because I need distraction.

I cook because I’ve always been passionate about cooking for myself and people. It’s basically a way for me to express my creativity, apart from other art forms. Considering that I’ve had to leave dance and my career in design behind, cooking and making food look good keeps my creative energy running. I’ve had to train myself in the kitchen from scratch after not being able to prepare a cup of tea for myself at one point. I don’t cook for distraction.

I volunteered with kids from troubled childhood because, given my personal experience, I’ve always had a soft spot for kids and believe so much in ensuring that children receive love, the right kind of support and opportunities for growth. I didn’t do it because I needed to pass my time.

It’s so easy for people to assume that if we’re at home, we’re bored or lonely or missing out. Sure, not all days are great but that’s the case for anyone else too. Personally, though, I’m not bored or lonely, and I rarely experience the fear of missing out (fomo). Yes, there are limitations and sometimes it sucks but on most days, I’m happy, grateful and at peace with where I’m at. More so because I know where I’ve come from. Honestly, I’ve probably never been better and I say this despite having lived pain-free at one point. I love being at home, prioritising my health, stepping out when I feel like it, going to places that feel right, hanging out with people I love, doing things that make me happy and finding joy in little things. I, for one, don’t need any form of distraction.

Distraction is yet to prove itself to me. It has never worked. In fact, when I tried to distract myself from reality, things got worse. What you resist, persists. When I pushed myself, tried to act “normal”, I suffered more – mentally and physically. My health deteriorated at a very rapid pace. It took a lot of self-hate, pushing beyond my limit and attempting to distract myself from reality for me to finally press PAUSE, look at my priories and figure out a new way of living. Coming face to face with my reality, every raw bit of it, is what got me where I am today.

Point being, don’t suggest distraction as a coping mechanism unless we clearly say that’s what we’re looking for.

Trust us when we say we’re trying our best to create a different life. Who said different = bad anyway?

Support us because you believe in what we’re doing rather than from a space of sympathy or pity. Show us that you see past our illness. Tell us that you think we’re capable of embracing the illness AND following our dreams at the same time. Ask us if we need help in getting there.

Love,

{December thoughts}

December 10, 2018 Manasi DalviLeave a comment

{december thoughts} this year, for most part of the first quarter, felt like a new beginning. new start. my mind was set on creating the new. I felt some resistance but I still thought it was all about quickly settling into the new. the more i look back to how the year unfolded, the more i realise that this year was all about endings. completions. old cycles finishing.

and you know what, though the process has been emotionally and physically draining, it has created so much space in my life for the new. the shift has been subtle but clear.

i used to think endings meant something was off, but no, endings can be amazing. sure, sometimes endings are painful but endings create openings. endings help you pick out on things that no longer serve the person you’re becoming. endings gently and sometimes forcefully make you grow. endings are refreshing. endings are opportunities for you to believe and trust all over again.

i’m spending the rest of the month clearing and releasing everything that isn’t working for me anymore. this is a good time to do some self work and ask yourself, “What is it that I do not want to take with me into 2019?”. make a list. let go. ✨

{line}

November 23, 2018 Manasi DalviLeave a comment

{blood and years don’t matter}

November 22, 2018 Manasi DalviLeave a comment

I’m experiencing deep emotional pain right now. I’m going to acknowledge that, let it be until it leaves, and also keep in mind that I’ve done my very best.

Self-awareness doesn’t mean that you’ll never make mistakes. It means that even if you did, you will pick up on it and respond in a way that best aligns with your highest self.

It also means that you walk away from things and people that take away from you.

Trust me when I say this — it doesn’t matter how long you know someone or if you share a blood relationship with that person.

What matters is how much you and them evolve as people, how you communicate and whether you’re truly there for them.

This year has taught me that no matter how much healing work of acceptance and forgiveness you do, some dynamics never change. You do the work for yourself; so that you can create a life and relationships that are supportive.

It doesn’t excuse their behaviour and all the nasty things they may have done to you, but it frees you from the suffering of it. It frees up time and energy for better things in life.

In the last two days, I’ve reached a completion with two relationships in my life. I am very peacefully convinced that I have tried my best and that I no longer need to keep anchoring the relationships.

I am not longer available for it.

I am letting go, with love, what I thought I shared with them.

❤️

{deep waters}

November 22, 2018November 22, 2018 Manasi DalviLeave a comment

People can only meet you as deeply as they can meet themselves. If one can’t handle the complexities of your being + experience, they probably can’t handle the complexities of their own.

I’ve learnt to let go of, with love, things and people that no longer serve me.

At first I used to think that my health, apart from taking away things that I loved, took away people I loved. Today, after a decade of dealing with the ups and downs of my health, I’ve realised one important thing: my health is a beautiful filter for all relationships in my life. My relationship with people as well as things. When it takes away, it keeps aside the best of the best.

I’ve lost people I thought I couldn’t live without and also gained people I least expected would show me so much love and understanding. The support and guidance that has shown up in my life in the last four years has been immensely helpful for me to make peace with where I’m at.

I don’t mean to say for a moment that those who are no longer in my life are bad people. But, they were incapable or unwilling to swim in the deep. They preferred the shallow waters. Not everyone’s realities are the same and some of us are more aware of this + willing and capable of accepting it when it comes to people we care about.

My health has also taught me another thing: the importance of healthy boundaries. Drawing boundaries with people is not the same as building walls between you and them. You get to decide who gets to visit the garden you’re growing, how long they stay and what they take with them.

If someone had told me these things years ago, I think I might just have suffered a little less. I would like to think I had to learn these lessons through personal experiences. Looking back, no matter how painful it was to let go of things, people and the idea of a certain kind of life, I would say it has been an eye-opening experience which has now aligned me with a life more supportive of who I am and my reality.

I’ve always believed in quality over quantity in most areas of my life. Today, the people I am surrounded with are those who listen, try to understand and also do their own research when it comes to having a loved one with a life-altering illness. They also trust my experience when I speak about it and we’ve learned to have a more open and honest communication.

Grateful to be back home after spending a day at the hospital. I had a random and severe episode of syncope two afternoon’s back but thankfully nothing life-threatening showed up. The cause remains unclear but from our understanding, it could’ve been anything from dehydration to my gastro symptoms to extreme fatigue.

Thank you to the kind souls who reached out. I feel so loved and care for. A much bigger thank you to those who’ve stood by me through the thick and thin.

❤️

-M