Devil’s Punch Bowl

We skipped the actual hike down to the Devil’s Punch Bowl because it would’ve been just too much for my body. I’m glad I made it till the top of the bowl and was able to walk around a fair amount. I don’t remember the last time I did something like this. It’s definitely a big deal. A few years back I couldn’t have imagined being able to visit such places.

While I’m not big in traveling due to the pain that comes along with it (it doesn’t even make me sad and nor do I feel like I’m missing out because I’d rather be in less pain, suffer less and have manageable symptoms rather than travel, not be able to enjoy much and deal with unpleasant consequences later), I do love the nature and believe that it has a powerful, healing effect on me. Sometimes, I need that more than anything so I make a conscious choice to push myself a little bit in order to let me experience nature to some extent.

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A mandatory selfie to capture the memory of being out in 9 degrees (felt like 6?), under the sun, on my own, at 7:30am, in my gym pants, with a strange sense of comfort, no sensory overload, and of finally… FINALLY being in my own body, focused on every step because nothing else around me requires too much of my attention.

I walked around 1.2km, got us coffee, sat on a bench in peace, listening to the birds and felt a sense of calm in my heart. It was the feeling you get when you feel at home, a sense of safety and comfort, even though a place is new. And then my eyes filled up at the thought of how much I missed this.

A sense of quiet and stillness makes me feel at home… and lately it’s been far from that.

Thankful to be here today despite all the not so nice things in life.

The Original Shrewsbury 

One last thing before I leave…

The Original Shrewsburry Butter Cookies 

They’ve got no other branch anywhere else in India. Just ONE branch for so many years now. 

This. 

Honestly, all I need now is a cup of chai without sugar. A strong coffee would do too.

Happy Weekend, all! 

Three years back

Just about three years back, probably towards the middle of a very #dark phase of hating my body, I swore upon myself to never travel until I felt #ready. Unfortunately, I didn’t believe I’d ever feel ready enough to live in this body or #travel with it. While most people of my age were getting excited about traveling, I was feeling trapped in a body that only looked normal.

There came a point where I didn’t want anything more but to be able to look after myself, #trust my body again and be okay with where I was at. It was such a #challenge because there was absolutely nothing trustworthy about my body. I realized I could care less about seeing the world or chasing goals if I couldn’t even wash my own hair or walk around my own house.

I left a part of my past behind, took a couple of major leaps of faith and started living on my own. I decided to create a routine which provided me with the kind of stability that my body lacked; that my #environment lacked too. The idea was to build myself up again, to become comfortable with the cards I was dealt , to #empower myself and honour my #health. I had to re-imagine a life that is different and also learn to believe that different doesn’t mean bad.

After three years of the very same #routine and #lifestyle – Physiotherapy, Pilates, allopathic medicines, complimentary therapies, lots of positive-self talk, re-connecting with my creative self, allowing myself to cry and experience grief fully, accepting limitations, fighting for instead of against my body, letting go of people, places and situations which didn’t serve my new self anymore, feeding myself nourishing food, learning to find reasons to be grateful — and something shifted within me. I suddenly craved a #change, a mini #break from this routine that I had created for myself. Some time away from it to see how far I’ve come.

I’ve got more information now. I can see the #progress I’ve made and there’s more to learn. To be honest, I don’t know when I’d feel ready to travel again and this time it doesn’t matter at all. It doesn’t make me feel any less or more because I believe time will come when it must.