After more than two weeks of thinking through whether I wanted to or if I was even in the mood to host a mini Ganesh Chaturthi dinner, I finally figured I had to do it this time. I got a couple of messages from friends who were looking forward to it and I knew it wasn’t going to be like last year. This time round, everything was going to be different.
Because it is different.
Things change, times change.
What remained the same as last year was the feeling of love and joy, dressing up & being around a few people and knowing that no matter where life is heading, you’d always have some memories to look back upon and smile. To feel grateful for.
Ultimately, that’s really all I care about when it comes to festivals. If you’re like me, spiritual enough to respect that people get to have their own set of religious beliefs and, you’d agree that if any festival is celebrated with the people who love you and people you love, people who have been there for you and people you’ve been there for, and if you’re present in that moment, do a small ritual and feel immense gratitude, it is more than enough. You get to choose how you want to live your experience.
Amongst all the amazing photos captured that day, these three will always remind me that despite everything,
you have a choice.
To pick a family,
To dream freely,
To hope without fear,
To laugh without guilt,
To cry with your heart,
To love with your mind,
To sing your very own song,
To live with what you have and make the best out of it.
P.S. if you’re wondering what’s happening up there… you know, we were just trying to dance on “raat ke dhaaii baje” and “pinga” for very obvious reasons. Also, did you notice my freakishly bendy fingers?
Just a mini reminder to stay true to your own journey and pace yourself. Time is never in our control but how we use time is.
March was a busy month and I’ve been feeling more exhausted than normal (I know, I know, for those without chronic illness, this must hardly make any sense). The good thing is that whatever was planned for March is all done and that’s one big step in the right direction. However, before I could even allow myself to fully rest, there’s stuff lined up for April which I want to tend to. Half of me is excited and the other half just wants to hibernate because you can never get enough rest when your body is constantly using up a lot more energy.
It feels like there’s hardly any time to recuperate from March! The workaholic, Ms. Productive in me wants to take charge and make things right and “fix” everything and never stop (this is the older version of me who thought she had it all figured out because at one point she did and guess what, I’ve grown to listen to her less and listen to my body more) because time is running out or something. The truth is, it always feels this way unless I take the initiative to really create space and find time for selfcare – to think less in terms of productivity and more in terms of peace, love and what makes me smile from within.
It’s funny how we think we have control over time when all we have control over is how we respond to it. Time continues to fly and do its thing and either we learn to work with it and use it in a way that aligns with our true selves or we let it freak us out and allow it to paralyze us further.
Just because someone else is doing more on Instagram doesn’t mean you are doing less or not doing enough. Trust your effort, validate yourself and keep moving ahead one little step at a time.
Don’t let anyone rush you through your healing process. It is not selfish to take the necessary time that you need in order to heal wholly. Don’t let anyone tell you that taking time to heal is selfish. In fact, it is selfish to rush others through their process just because your pace is different. Forgive and continue on your healing journey.
You know it’s New Year’s soon when you get your next planner! I am so excited to start using it! Just look at how gorgeous this flowery-pink planner is. Absolutely love love love everything about it.
It’s my third kikki.k planner in a row (2015,2016,2017) and I’m still not bored of it. Unlike other times where buying a new planner is more of a self-ritual for me, this planner came as a gift from my best-friend.
I think I’m ready for 2017.
P.S. I know my thumb looks rather creepy in the second pic. Let’s just focus on the sheer beauty of these planners instead, shall we? :)
Just about three years back, probably towards the middle of a very #dark phase of hating my body, I swore upon myself to never travel until I felt #ready. Unfortunately, I didn’t believe I’d ever feel ready enough to live in this body or #travel with it. While most people of my age were getting excited about traveling, I was feeling trapped in a body that only looked normal.
There came a point where I didn’t want anything more but to be able to look after myself, #trust my body again and be okay with where I was at. It was such a #challenge because there was absolutely nothing trustworthy about my body. I realized I could care less about seeing the world or chasing goals if I couldn’t even wash my own hair or walk around my own house.
I left a part of my past behind, took a couple of major leaps of faith and started living on my own. I decided to create a routine which provided me with the kind of stability that my body lacked; that my #environment lacked too. The idea was to build myself up again, to become comfortable with the cards I was dealt , to #empower myself and honour my #health. I had to re-imagine a life that is different and also learn to believe that different doesn’t mean bad.
After three years of the very same #routine and #lifestyle – Physiotherapy, Pilates, allopathic medicines, complimentary therapies, lots of positive-self talk, re-connecting with my creative self, allowing myself to cry and experience grief fully, accepting limitations, fighting for instead of against my body, letting go of people, places and situations which didn’t serve my new self anymore, feeding myself nourishing food, learning to find reasons to be grateful — and something shifted within me. I suddenly craved a #change, a mini #break from this routine that I had created for myself. Some time away from it to see how far I’ve come.
I’ve got more information now. I can see the #progress I’ve made and there’s more to learn. To be honest, I don’t know when I’d feel ready to travel again and this time it doesn’t matter at all. It doesn’t make me feel any less or more because I believe time will come when it must.
This place is beautiful. I don’t want to pretend and say I’m fine but I can say it’s all been worthwhile. For this time. I’m officially tired now and I don’t know how I’m even alive.