Whoever told mankind that being strong involved no tears

 clearly wasn’t aware of any chronic illness.

It’s been a while since I teared up thinking about my health. I somehow don’t cry much about my health anymore. I realize I’m doing all I can and that’s enough for me to not feel like total shit about my health.

But today was different. It was random. Unexpected.

I just burst into tears on my uber ride back home from the hospital.I had a lot of thoughts running through my mind. And a pathetically sad song playing on my iPhone.

Now that I think about it, I know I just got overwhelmed looking at another bag full of medicines. A new set again, for these new symptoms which won’t go away. The medical bills. The time. The energy expenditure. The fatigue. The pain.

It can get to you at times. It really can.

It’s a constant dance between your present and future. Every choice, every decision matters. You wake up every day making a choice to get through the day. You go to bed knowing you’ve done your best, say a little thank you, and fall asleep. And sometimes you stay up because your body won’t let you sleep.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not sharing this because I need pity (doesn’t help) and nor is it that I’m so devastated and can’t continue with life. I just wish to share two things –

1. Be grateful for your health if it’s still on your side. Not because it could be worse, but because you are okay today. In this very moment. Choose health, always.

2. It’s absolutely okay to cry. To feel like utter crap. To grieve over what’s gone. To worry, to feel upset, to feel annoyed or frustrated. It’s all okay. All normal. Let yourself have those emotions. Cry. Write. Yell. Speak with the ones who are on your side. Hug them. Whatever helps you process that emotion, do it. Then, once you’re better, remind yourself that you’ve got this. You’ve always done it right and you know what to do. Trust your body. No matter what comes. Honour your health. You’re on the same team.

Love,

MD

❤︎

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Watched a disturbing film last evening + had a few old and totally unrelated memories come up for me. End result, I stayed up through the night just processing all of it, writing and feeling like an absolute mess.

Yep, I tend to feel more and I don’t try to change that about myself anymore. Instead, I let myself have my emotions and try to do something productive with them, like write or cry (yes, crying is a very productive & healing activity), meditate or speak with someone who lets me have my process without trying to rush me through it. Maybe something else works for you.

To all those empaths who are (or were) told that they are “too” sensitive or that they must toughen up, I say you don’t need to bother about anyone’s definition of “too” sensitive and you don’t need to toughen up. Be soft, stay soft. True strength is found in being human; being vulnerable. Not in ‘acting’ tough, and most definitely not in numbing yourself to your emotions. It’s okay to feel, and to feel deeply.

❤︎