#home

Thank you for the safety, refuge, healing and all the joy and laughter under one roof. You’ll always be home. This photo is also making me miss my chosen family @shreya.j90 @rohant @rowanity @botakbaba + Raj @drishtisk @prachh_p @abhikdamani ❤️🌙✨📿🧘🏼‍♀️

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Goodbye vibes!

Goodbye vibes! You’ve been my favourite apartment of all time and I will always love you. Here’s me trying to pose when I could barely even stand. I haven’t slept well in days and my body hates the crap out of me. I’ve been functioning on high dose of anti-inflammatory and pain medications, pretty terrible food choices (because there’s too much on my plate right now) and lots of positive self.

Gone are the days when I could get a million things done all by myself and as much as I wish I could do more today I can’t and that’s okay. I am able to acknowledge when I need help and ask for it and that in itself has been a great progress. That said, I can’t be more grateful for people who’ve willingly helped whenever I needed and in any way they could. A big thank you to @shreya.j90 without whom I couldn’t possibly have made it through days of sorting, packing and running errands. I’d have loved to meet up with a few more people who have been an integral part of my life here but unfortunately, I have been in a bad shape and couldn’t have pushed myself. I love every single one of you and you will always hold a special place in my heart.

I’m in so much pain right now I’m just resting in @shreya.j90’s bed on an ice pack wondering how I’m even alive. Yet, I do believe that all is well. Everything is taken care of. If could say anything more, I’ll just add that I am definitely proud of how far I’ve come in the last 9+ years of dealing with a chronic illness. It’s been a journey of lessons and blessings which I probably wouldn’t exchange for anything. Until next time, lots of love and happy vibes🤗❤️✨

Twenty years

I am filled with so much love and gratitude for this place, it’s hard to even express. And despite the fact that the positive emotions I feel for this place almost equal the negative memories I am still working on letting go, my heart aches knowing that I am leaving a place I called home for the last twenty years.

I made mistakes here.

I experienced pain and suffering here. I was young and naive.

I made friends here. Real friends I’m so grateful to have come across.

I fell in love here.

I spent sleepless nights here. Crying, laughing, secretly believing in fairytales.

I made promises here.

I saw dreams here.

I set goals and achieved them here.

I was betrayed here. By near and dear ones, and by strangers.

I learned to protect myself here.

I was diagnosed here.

I fell apart here. Completely shattered into tiny pieces, I couldn’t myself anymore anymore.

I put back myself back together here.

I faced my very own demons, alone, right here.

I learned to trust again here. Myself and people.

I found my medical team here. My support system, without whom I couldn’t have come this far.

I dared to recreate dreams here.

I learned the art of letting go, here.

I finally found my true voice here.

I learned to speak my truth here and encouraged others to do the same.

I learned to be of support and service to the world, right here too.

I came across my tribe, people like me, right here.

I felt safe here.

This is where I wilted and learned to bloom again. This is where I learned to own my story, fully and wholly.

While I can’t lie that recreating a similar lifestyle and routine else where is going to take time and more patience than ever before, I do genuinely believe that it’s not entirely impossible. Somewhere I trust that the process of wilting and blooming over and over again has equipped me with the ability to deal with uncertainties of all kinds and be okay with not knowing.

You know that feeling when you look back and think perhaps everything happened to prepare you for something that is yet to happen? That’s kind of how I feel right now. As if I have levelled up in this game called life and now need to put my skills and tools to use in order to handle the next level; the next phase. There’s a lot I still don’t know but perhaps I am able to find peace in knowing that I have made it through incredibly painful times before and probably can do so in the future too.

Singapore, thank you for all the blessings and lessons.

Favourite spot

Thank you, for being that one safe and healing space where I could just be without having to worry about what I am “supposed” to be or need to be.

Thank you for reminding me of the power in being soft and letting things unfold at their own pace. You’ve taught me how to find beauty and to come back home to myself whenever I had no where else to go. You’ve been wonderful.

07/05/17: Mandala Making Workshop

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Beautiful day. Beautiful space. Beautiful people. Beautiful artwork. Beautiful lessons.

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Here’s me setting up everything, one pen at a time. And check out my wobbly left shoulder holding on to its dear life. 🌷

I had such a wonderful time teaching the Mandala Making Workshop last weekend. Somehow, those two hours made me feel more alive than anything else has in more than half a year now. The most beautiful thing about the experience was the very fact that it brought people from different walks of life together, for one shared purpose: to give a break to their busy minds and let their creativity run wild.

We had a retiree who was looking for ways to keep her mind active, a yoga teacher exploring ways for self-expression, a mandarin language teacher who had forgotten that she can create, a computer engineer who needed her calculating brain to quieten for once… none of them had ANY background in mandalas or pattern-making, hadn’t done much research and yet they were there because it seemed right…I mean, isn’t this just WOW?!

Even though it is not uncommon, I am still so amazed at how the whole process shifted something for some of the participants. For me, being there and seeing that in itself was such a deeply moving experience. To be honest, I’m still letting it all sink in. Everything from the place, to people and to the tea we had seemed right. I don’t think I could  have asked to be anywhere else on that Sunday morning but there, teaching, sharing and learning. I’m fatigued out of my mind and yet so full in my heart. Let’s see how long it takes for me to recover from all of it physically but I know I’ll be okay and I’ll do this again when it’s time. My body needs rest now. Conducting a workshop after half a year of being 90% bedridden is a big step ahead for me. And it didn’t just happen overnight… this big step comprised of many, many small steps over the last so many months and years…

One day at a time

One step at a time.

🌷🌿🙏🏼✨