#throwback to December 2012

This is me just four years back (4/9 joints down) – a point in my life I would never want to go back to, even if someone paid me a million dollars for it.

I had received a diagnosis just two months before this photo was taken. My parents’ divorce was at its peak and there was so much uncalled for responsibility around it. My career and life plans were falling apart. My boyfriend of 5 years and I were going through a very painful break-up. I was popping 8 painkillers a day + 6 muscle relaxants + non-addictive sleeping pill and yet finding no relief. I had migraines which drove me mad and there was this annoying, buzzing noise at the back of my brain which just never stopped.

I couldn’t close my eyes or be alone in a room because I feared my body might fail me in some way. I rarely slept and if I did, I got nightmares and I’d wake up drenched in sweat. At times I was afraid I’d never wake up. I had palpitations and sudden fall in blood-pressure a number of times in a day. I would lose balance as I walked. I couldn’t wash my own hair or even dress myself. The creative inside me was no where to be found. My body needed energy and I couldn’t eat. I was hospitalized a few times because I started reacting to some medicines.

I only got weaker.

I was trying to hold onto my life, every bit of it, and the harder I tried, the more defeated I felt. My body was screaming at me and I didn’t listen. People around me wanted things out of me that I simply couldn’t give. I needed myself more than anyone else and I kept putting everyone else before me.

There was nothing familiar left about me or my surrounding. I didn’t trust my body and I didn’t trust anyone else either. The fighter in me could no longer fight. I thought I knew what strength was all about but I clearly didn’t.

I needed to let go.

And after what seemed like eons,

I finally started learning to let go,

to accept what can’t be changed,

and to work with my body.

There is more to learn + create,

but right here today,

It’s all okay.

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#Loveofallkinds


Love, because how else do you open doors to growth, happiness and peace?

Love, because how else do you become a more refined version of yourself?

Love, because how else do you learn to become more available for others and yourself?

Love, because how long can you possibly guard your fragile heart and remain surrendered to fear?

Love, because true strength lies in being vulnerable and being soft – with yourself and others.

Love, because even if there’s a risk of heartbreak and pain, there are rewards far more valuable than those transient waves of sadness.

Love, because when you choose love, you choose life.

#love #loveofallkinds

February 14, 2016 

It doesn’t matter if you’re single or in a relationship, there is always (always) an opportunity to pause, breathe and remind yourself that you are your own first before you can be someone else’s.

If you’re single and haven’t met the love of your life yet, the best part is – you still have enough time to start practicing self-acceptance and self-love, to complete yourself first before trying to complete someone else or having someone else complete you. To become comfortable being alone with yourself first, so you can deeply enjoy the moments of togetherness with someone else. You have all the time in this world to learn how to be gentle and patient with yourself. Practicing self-love gives you an opportunity to celebrate a day of love, every day of the year. Putting yourself first is not selfish; it is necessary – to cultivate a healthy relationship with your own mind and body, and with your loved ones.

If you’re in a relationship, it’s only healthy, if not even more necessary, to find some time with yourself. Whether that’s to sit in peace with yourself , to do things you love or to simply validate yourself for being who you are; regardless of the validation you may receive from someone else. Being there for yourself first allows you the emotional, mental and even the physical capacity to be there for those you love even more. There’s no way one can give out of an empty well. Practicing self -love becomes even more important when you’re in a relationship because as you continue to strengthen the bond between your own mind and body, you encourage others to do the same. As you recognize your own needs, you recognize and respect the needs of others. This way, your relationship grows into a beautiful partnership, and you each become an integral part of it. Celebrating a relationship that has its foundation in place becomes a daily practice, not just a once -in- a -year event.

Choose to celebrate love ( of all kinds) every, single (or not) day of your life. Because love is within you, not next to you or no where to nowhere to be found.

#chooselove #practicelove #celebratelove #loveoflkinds #selflove

@mdalvi15

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And just as you think you’ve got it all under control, everything changes. It turns into a complete mess. Everything falls apart. Your control doesn’t count for anything. Nothing at all. You find yourself standing on an unstable foundation. Uncertainty takes over. You find fear building up inside of you. One bit at a time, every aspect of your life begins to alter. You are forced to evolve and grow. Your story changes. Your goals and aspirations look different. Your priorities are reshuffled. Your relationships are affected. Your truth starts to unfold. You realize you don’t seem to fit in anymore or that you never did. Your plans were just a dream. Your present becomes your reality. Your reality creates more opportunities. You realize that stepping forward requires stepping inwards first. A new set of doors suddenly open for you. You look back and see that some doors remain closed, some people belong in your past and some plans you thought your life depended on, just don’t matter as much anymore. Nothing looks like what you expected it to one day but you know it was meant to happen. Even if you don’t fully understand where it leaves you at, you know it was all for good.
Life continues to take place; every moment, every breath. Stay true, stay present. Stay grateful for what you have now because chances are, life won’t always look the way you thought it would.
❤︎