Alive

🤷🏼‍♀️💃🏼🤦🏼‍♀️

🌸Do what makes your soul smile. If that’s dance and you can’t dance, find a way to feel like you’re dancing. Feeling is everything. Find ways to keep your spirit alive while you have to deal with and work around a not-so-healthy body. It’s hard enough on a daily basis and you’re allowed to find ways to make it a tad bit lighter on yourself, okay? You don’t need anyone’s permission for that. You are doing your best with the cards you’ve been dealt.

I can’t dance/perform like before, I can’t just stand up and let loose and dance freely but I can imagine doing it in my mind. I can imagine dancing, performing and choreographing like before and I can FEEL it as if it’s true. It makes me smile from within. That said, I know my body has its limitations and I know what’s right for my health. I don’t have it in me to be stupid and push my body in ways I tried to back in the past. You see, I might have had to leave dance behind but my love for dance will always stay with me and you know what?…that’s enough for me.

This isn’t some law of attraction discussion and I’m not going to say “imagine and you’ll have it” because if you don’t get it, you’d think you didn’t want it enough or you haven’t tried hard enough. If that were really the case, if only imagining solved all my problems, I’d be doing different things at this point because trust me, I’m bloody good with my imagination. All I’m saying is, be true to who you are and things that keep your fire going. Be a little #crazy in your own special ways. Keep those things alive; things that keep your enthusiasm for life going. Keep working on finding ways, finding solutions. Be open to possibilities while being aware of your #reality. I’m not going to tell you to have high expectations out of yourself when you have REAL LIFE limitations and when you’ve worked so hard to leave your old life behind.

Acknowledge your present with your heart and mind. Please do not work on going back to the life in your past which doesn’t serve you anymore today. Please don’t force yourself to walk backwards and create more suffering. Past is gone for a reason. Walk forward with what you have and what you can do. Be very practical + imaginative where necessary 🌸 #chandralekha #bollywood

Ending my last Pilates session of #2015 with my instructor of two.five years, @oneknee😎

 I was more regular with my sessions than I have ever been and that makes me feel really good. Even a tiny bit of improvement in the muscle tone makes me feel happy because I like to believe that my body is responding to how I look after it. Perhaps the #progress isn’t as much as I was wishing it would be but again, if how I looked was the gauge to the progress (and the kind of progress) I’ve made, it’s not going to be accurate at all.

With patience, understanding and support from just a few people, and with my personal effort, commitment and love towards my body, I’ve made progress on all levels – physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. This year, I’ve got another joint (that’s a grand total 9 joints affected) to worry about but I’m less fearful and more trusting of my body and its experience. I’m more accepting towards my constantly changing body because I realize that it is a physical manifestation of the experience I’ve had or am having. I see how just dealing with an illness is not enough – one needs to work on healing and growing with the illness too.

#2015 has opened me to so many #possibilities – ones which I was either afraid to consider or didn’t even know existed. Today, I understand that even if my life looks nothing like before, it looks fine. It doesn’t look bad. I had a chance to question what I really want out of life and though my goals and #dreams are still just evolving (re-evolving), I feel certain about the years to come. 2015 has given me the #opportunity to come to terms with my past, remember the lessons and grow from that place. We are nothing without our #story and there’s no reason to hide it. I can now look back, acknowledge what was and that this illness is a crucial part of my growth,and, continue writing a new ending.

Thank you to all those who’ve stood by me and have been a part of my #journe, and most importantly, thank you for giving me space to just simply have my experience. One Day At A Time.
Happy New Year’s Eve!✨