Hello there spoonies and other friends!
So while I was off social media, I took some time for myself and made sure I brought my interaction with people to a bare minimum. I met just a few people apart from my pilates instructor, physiotherapist, ayurveda therapist and naturopath but I made sure to look at my phone and laptop less. In fact, I wrote more in my journal and typed less on my phone.
Some of the experiences I had just over this week made me think through a lot about how far I’ve come and how far I’m yet to go. When you really make an effort to disconnect with the noise around you and connect with what is already within, you finally hear the noise within you loud and clear. And if you dig deep enough, and have the courage to dig further, you find that there’s so much wisdom residing in there that you barely ever need to seek answers from outside. A lot of what we need to know, we already do.
So, obviously, I made a list of ten things that came up for me in the course of this one week. I took some time to journal and think through each point even more and I figured I have so much to share and so much to learn at the same time. I wasn’t too sure if I wanted to share this list with everyone but I’ve made up my mind to do it anyway. Who knows, it might resonate with someone out there.
1. Listen more; to your inner wisdom and to those who need to be heard
2. Express more gratitude
3. Have the courage to ASK for your needs to be met
4. Be brave and say ‘NO’ if/when necessary
5. Preserve your energy; it’s everything
6. Reframe your past, refocus on your present and reimagine your future
7. Return to the thoughts of peace, love, health and success
8. Validate yourself for every progress you’ve made
9. Make your own decisions. You know what is best for you.
10. Trust that you will always be supported if you’re willing to jump off the cliff. Keep doing your best and being your best even if you’re at your weakest.
The most important thing I realized was that I NEEDED this time. Unless I make a conscious effort to create a space for myself, I will always be a part of something I don’t need to be a part of. Love, Manasi ❤️ #chronicillness #selfcare
The waiting game. Just another part and parcel of dealing with a chronic illness.
And in those times when you wonder if all that you are doing is enough,
Pause and remind yourself,
You are doing your best; and that’s enough.
You will do more when you can do more and you’re allowed to rest when your body calls for it.
When reality hits you in the most unexpected moment,
Let go. Again.
Breathe once again.
Let go. Once again.
Everything is okay in this very moment.
You are okay.
To be honest, I’m super beyond fatigued. There are times I wish things looked different, or that my health was like that of any 25 year old. Sometimes I feel that’s the kind of life I’m more familiar with and had plans for.
What happened then?
Well, I know what happened. Life (actually) happened.
Lots of things went wrong and many others went right for me to be where I am today. Both ways, I’m grateful because I’ve grown as a person and figured so much out! Dealing with a chronic illness is painful and challenging as anything can be – to live with it in your body and make choices that honour your health, which involves making some really tough decisions. REALLY tough. You have to find ways to embrace your limitations and open your eyes to new possibilities – and believe me, it takes time. Ages, sometimes. At times you feel great, and at times you don’t.
Every day brings new opportunities and new challenges – sometimes both, and you don’t know what to do. I’m always trying to make choices from a place of my ability rather than my disability… But frankly, on days like today, it just doesn’t work. You want the day to end. You want to be in bed and wait for all your energy to come back to you.
I can’t say I hate life or the circumstances I’m dealing with – no, it’s a part of me. A part of who I am. My experience is now a part of my biology. And my biology is a huge part of my life. It is what it is and I’ve largely come to terms with it. It has made me who I am today and it is making me into who I can be. I strongly believe that I own this illness and don’t let it own me – on a greater scheme of things, I’m learning to manage. Even then, it is still very physically, mentally and emotionally tiring at times.
It’s only 3pm and I feel as if I’ve been up for 3 days, ran 3 marathons and been on anaesthesia since. Seriously, I want to hibernate for a long time. This week has been crap and tiring. I can’t wait for it to end :) Enough already! I think next week will be better.✨
Love to all