20 years later

Experiencing the monsoon in India after a good 20 years. It’s beautiful outside. This is what I wake up to every day now and it’s been lovely. I was dreading my life here during summer just a few months back. It made managing my symptoms so much more challenging! Thankfully, it’s 22 degrees now which feels quite calming to my system. I’ve returned from Canada (strange how it felt so much like home) with so much more clarity than when I left but the question that still lingers is whether India will ever be home. I’m going to let the question rest for a bit and allow the answer to come up on its own. Despite knowing for a fact that I’m very open to giving this place a chance, I didn’t exactly feel welcomed here when I landed. I still haven’t found words to the experience on the airport but I know for sure that it was traumatic. It was trauma that I need time to recover from. At this point, I believe that creating a safe space + health routine that is grounding and supports my well-being would be a good starting point. Last couple of days were a stretch but I wanted to make sure my space is set before my recovery starts. To be very honest, the only place I find some refuge right now is in my very own apartment. It’s my sanctuary.

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