One. Because I’m mentally and physically so tired from my recent move and I’m just all over the place right now and would need time to settle in, be at peace, bring myself together and be able to write anything.
Two. I bumped my left shoulder into the main gate of my friend’s apartment and that has caused an impact so bad that the pain is shooting up into my neck and down into my shoulder blade and the whole arm, including the last two fingers. It feels heavy and I can barely use it. No, a slight bump into a gate should NOT be causing so much pain to anyone.
Three. My left neck is sprained and no one knows why or how. Is it possible to just be walking down an aisle in a grocery store with nothing in your hands, and suddenly sprain your neck without any quick movements or jerks? Technically no. But yes. That’s what happened and within seconds, all the surrounding muscles turned rock solid. It was no where close to normal. I can’t look to my right without experiencing an intensely sharp pull on the left side of my neck; probably from the bottom of my head, around my ear, all the way down into my collar bone.
With that, there isn’t much I’m able to do. Any form of slight movement on the left hurts me a lot. I had acupuncture today and unfortunately, she wasn’t able to release the tight muscles or get rid of that intense pain. I’ll see how I feel over the day. Sometime such treatments take a few hours to show effect.
I’m so fatigued and drained out. Last few weeks have been very challenging.
Well, at least I’m in my new place now and had already managed to move everything over before this happened!
Hello. Meet my Left Shoulder. It decided one fine day, about 5 years back, that I needed to stop. That I needed to breathe and let go. And that I had to be there for myself before anyone else. It is this shoulder, my left shoulder, which took me from being in Design class at 6:00pm one evening to an MRI machine at 9:00am next morning. It is this shoulder that first gave me a signal that my body wasn’t doing fine. That I really needed time for myself. I fought to be fixed. I fought really hard. But my body continued to weaken. There were more joints lined up after my left shoulder and I had no clue. I really didn’t know better. That’s where this journey began, in the midst of not knowing. This journey to come home to my own body. To be okay with where I am, to know that it’s okay if things looked different from how I once thought they would be. To learn that different doesn’t mean bad. It simply means different. Different can mean better; just not the same. To know that strength comes only from within. To be alright with emotions. To be okay with falling, and to stand up again stronger. This journey has opened me up to a new world. A world where nothing is more important than health. A world of love and acceptance. Of the body, no matter how wobbly it is. Not matter now unstable it can be. To be grateful for it, not because it could be worse, but because it isn’t. To know that pain and suffering is real but not feel defeated by any of it. To realize that sometimes we are where we are for a reason and to dig deeper into that reason so that one day when we look back, we see how much we have learnt. How much we have grown. To live in the present moment, focus on things we have control over and things that can be changed. And to come to terms with things that we can’t fix. To be okay with limitations and to think about possibilities. To wake up everyday and smile. To keep moving forward one step at a time. To look back once in a while, not at how things were supposed to be, but to see how far we’ve come. And see that we still have it in us to continue. To be our own inspiration.
Tuesday was already going pretty slow because of gastric cramps, and later in the day, my left shoulder started feeling really unstable. It got too loose again. All the muscles around the joint had tightened up in order to hold it up in place. I think I first noticed this when I went to collect medicines for gastric, but I had no clue that it would flare up this way!
I didn’t get a good sleep last night. Slightest movement in sleep and I’d wake up because of pain. I did what I usually do to calm it down….I used a really strong ointment on it, gave it a light massage, used hot bags… and somehow got through the night. I went for an extra Physiotherapy session this morning because there was no way I could’ve gotten through this week with such intense pain in my left shoulder and arm.
The left side of my neck was more bumpy than usual, which is a sign that something is a little more serious. I can always feel these bumps in my neck, they’re just always in there, but they swell up right away when something goes a little off in terms or my joints or when I’m really sick.
My Physiotherapist spent one entire hour on my left arm. Everything was so tight! She needed to release all the tensed muscles slowly. IT WAS SO PAINFUL. It seems that the instability of my shoulder is causing my rotator cuff muscles and postural muscles to spasm and guard. This causes pain, stiffness and intolerance to movement to both shoulder and neck. Myofascial adhesions build up and reduce mobility and power of the muscles. These adhesions sort of look like I built biceps overnight. Horribly painful biceps though. I don’t think anyone wants such biceps.
I’ve been told to do scapula protraction exercise over this week, but only if I feel that it’s not causing me more pain. I’m also going to need a sling for the next week or so. It’s time yet again for my right shoulder to take over and my left to rest.
What caused my left shoulder to suddenly become more unstable? I don’t know. All I know is that this is a part and parcel of living with Hypermobility Syndrome so it doesn’t make me feel as bad anymore. I just have to take each day as it comes because each day brings something new and no two days look entirely the same.
I slept like usual. On my back, with four hot bags placed stratigically on the bed and a pillow under my knees..
….and then in the middle of the night… I turned onto my left shoulder and pretty much slept on it till morning… I think I woke up because I heard a tiny “pop” . Yep. Very common!
It was BAD. Super BAD. Getting up feeling like your left side is on fire is a BAD sign.
I had pain running down right from the back of my left ear, down my neck, into my shoulder joint, down my elbow, into my wrist and my palm, all the way till the tip of my left ring finger. My muscle were so tight!
My Physiotherapist describes my muscles as “crunchy” and it’s extremely disgusting to hear the crunchiness as she works on them. Today’s session helped loosen it all up a little bit and I managed to get through the day…. but right now as I type, I can feel my left side stiffening up… so I’m going to stop now.