Alive

🤷🏼‍♀️💃🏼🤦🏼‍♀️

🌸Do what makes your soul smile. If that’s dance and you can’t dance, find a way to feel like you’re dancing. Feeling is everything. Find ways to keep your spirit alive while you have to deal with and work around a not-so-healthy body. It’s hard enough on a daily basis and you’re allowed to find ways to make it a tad bit lighter on yourself, okay? You don’t need anyone’s permission for that. You are doing your best with the cards you’ve been dealt.

I can’t dance/perform like before, I can’t just stand up and let loose and dance freely but I can imagine doing it in my mind. I can imagine dancing, performing and choreographing like before and I can FEEL it as if it’s true. It makes me smile from within. That said, I know my body has its limitations and I know what’s right for my health. I don’t have it in me to be stupid and push my body in ways I tried to back in the past. You see, I might have had to leave dance behind but my love for dance will always stay with me and you know what?…that’s enough for me.

This isn’t some law of attraction discussion and I’m not going to say “imagine and you’ll have it” because if you don’t get it, you’d think you didn’t want it enough or you haven’t tried hard enough. If that were really the case, if only imagining solved all my problems, I’d be doing different things at this point because trust me, I’m bloody good with my imagination. All I’m saying is, be true to who you are and things that keep your fire going. Be a little #crazy in your own special ways. Keep those things alive; things that keep your enthusiasm for life going. Keep working on finding ways, finding solutions. Be open to possibilities while being aware of your #reality. I’m not going to tell you to have high expectations out of yourself when you have REAL LIFE limitations and when you’ve worked so hard to leave your old life behind.

Acknowledge your present with your heart and mind. Please do not work on going back to the life in your past which doesn’t serve you anymore today. Please don’t force yourself to walk backwards and create more suffering. Past is gone for a reason. Walk forward with what you have and what you can do. Be very practical + imaginative where necessary 🌸 #chandralekha #bollywood

Hello there spoonies and other friends!

So while I was off social media, I took some time for myself and made sure I brought my interaction with people to a bare minimum. I met just a few people apart from my pilates instructor, physiotherapist, ayurveda therapist and naturopath but I made sure to look at my phone and laptop less. In fact, I wrote more in my journal and typed less on my phone.

Some of the experiences I had just over this week made me think through a lot about how far I’ve come and how far I’m yet to go. When you really make an effort to disconnect with the noise around you and connect with what is already within, you finally hear the noise within you loud and clear. And if you dig deep enough, and have the courage to dig further, you find that there’s so much wisdom residing in there that you barely ever need to seek answers from outside. A lot of what we need to know, we already do.

So, obviously, I made a list of ten things that came up for me in the course of this one week. I took some time to journal and think through each point even more and I figured I have so much to share and so much to learn at the same time. I wasn’t too sure if I wanted to share this list with everyone but I’ve made up my mind to do it anyway. Who knows, it might resonate with someone out there.

1. Listen more; to your inner wisdom and to those who need to be heard
2. Express more gratitude
3. Have the courage to ASK for your needs to be met
4. Be brave and say ‘NO’ if/when necessary
5. Preserve your energy; it’s everything
6. Reframe your past, refocus on your present and reimagine your future
7. Return to the thoughts of peace, love, health and success
8. Validate yourself for every progress you’ve made
9. Make your own decisions. You know what is best for you.
10. Trust that you will always be supported if you’re willing to jump off the cliff. Keep doing your best and being your best even if you’re at your weakest.

The most important thing I realized was that I NEEDED this time. Unless I make a conscious effort to create a space for myself, I will always be a part of something I don’t need to be a part of. Love, Manasi ❤️ #chronicillness #selfcare

If you have a story, write. If you have a story that changed you for the better, write for sure. Because when you do, you heal and create a safe space for others to heal.

There can never be enough stories of struggle and harsh realities which lead to strength, courage and acceptance.

Don't let your story confine you.
Let it become a catalyst for your growth, your ability to adapt + respond and your enthusiasm for life.

Love,
MD

Hello, April! 

Just a mini reminder to stay true to your own journey and pace yourself. Time is never in our control but how we use time is.

March was a busy month and I’ve been feeling more exhausted than normal (I know, I know, for those without chronic illness, this must hardly make any sense). The good thing is that whatever was planned for March is all done and that’s one big step in the right direction. However, before I could even allow myself to fully rest, there’s stuff lined up for April which I want to tend to. Half of me is excited and the other half just wants to hibernate because you can never get enough rest when your body is constantly using up a lot more energy.

It feels like there’s hardly any time to recuperate from March! The workaholic, Ms. Productive in me wants to take charge and make things right and “fix” everything and never stop (this is the older version of me who thought she had it all figured out because at one point she did and guess what, I’ve grown to listen to her less and listen to my body more) because time is running out or something. The truth is, it always feels this way unless I take the initiative to really create space and find time for selfcare – to think less in terms of productivity and more in terms of peace, love and what makes me smile from within.

It’s funny how we think we have control over time when all we have control over is how we respond to it. Time continues to fly and do its thing and either we learn to work with it and use it in a way that aligns with our true selves or we let it freak us out and allow it to paralyze us further.

Three years back

Just about three years back, probably towards the middle of a very #dark phase of hating my body, I swore upon myself to never travel until I felt #ready. Unfortunately, I didn’t believe I’d ever feel ready enough to live in this body or #travel with it. While most people of my age were getting excited about traveling, I was feeling trapped in a body that only looked normal.

There came a point where I didn’t want anything more but to be able to look after myself, #trust my body again and be okay with where I was at. It was such a #challenge because there was absolutely nothing trustworthy about my body. I realized I could care less about seeing the world or chasing goals if I couldn’t even wash my own hair or walk around my own house.

I left a part of my past behind, took a couple of major leaps of faith and started living on my own. I decided to create a routine which provided me with the kind of stability that my body lacked; that my #environment lacked too. The idea was to build myself up again, to become comfortable with the cards I was dealt , to #empower myself and honour my #health. I had to re-imagine a life that is different and also learn to believe that different doesn’t mean bad.

After three years of the very same #routine and #lifestyle – Physiotherapy, Pilates, allopathic medicines, complimentary therapies, lots of positive-self talk, re-connecting with my creative self, allowing myself to cry and experience grief fully, accepting limitations, fighting for instead of against my body, letting go of people, places and situations which didn’t serve my new self anymore, feeding myself nourishing food, learning to find reasons to be grateful — and something shifted within me. I suddenly craved a #change, a mini #break from this routine that I had created for myself. Some time away from it to see how far I’ve come.

I’ve got more information now. I can see the #progress I’ve made and there’s more to learn. To be honest, I don’t know when I’d feel ready to travel again and this time it doesn’t matter at all. It doesn’t make me feel any less or more because I believe time will come when it must.

#notsoinvisibleillness

When reality hits you in the most unexpected moment, 

Look. 

Feel. 

Don’t distract. 

Look again. 

Feel again. 

Breathe. 

Let go. 

Breathe again. 

Let go. Again. 

Breathe once again.

Let go. Once again. 

Everything is okay in this very moment. 

You are okay.