Spent the last two hours on my kitchen floor with a trigger ball because when your body decides it can’t move a step forward without a deep tissue release, you have to stop what you’re doing and listen to it.
You do not have ANY control whatsoever.
Trigger ball hurts so bad it makes me tear up and I can’t help it. I can’t even begin to explain how painful this can be. It’s the kind of pain that you know you need in order for your body to function, because the deeper, more persistent pain that already exists IN your body only continues to get worse if you don’t tend to it.
Trust me, it makes you cry. It even makes you want to yell. This sort of physical pain IS real.
In such times, I just want to be left alone in a room with my body. I want to be with the pain so that I can speak with it and listen to what it has to say. I know I might sound silly right now but this is what works. This is the kind of self-awareness we need to practice. I play some kind of soothing music, dim the lights, switch on my aromatherapy lamp and give myself all the time and freedom to just be; even if that means to just be in pain.
Sometimes you don’t even have time to do all that – you just grab a trigger ball and start. Make use of whatever that’s around you. Wall, floor, cabinet doors… Doesn’t matter. Because your body feels stiff and your muscles turn rock-solid and your physiotherapist doesn’t live with you so you have to manage it yourself.
Welcome to the back-end of living with a rare,chronic illness. This is where all the messy, ugly and painful #shit happens.
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