Here’s my list of complaints:
- I still haven’t recovered physically from that super fast walk on April 11. My knees and lower back still hurt and I’m not managing to keep up with my daily walk at all. I’ve needed extra painkillers again.
- No Pilates for the past 2 weeks, after managing pretty well through March.
- No pool. This sucks.
- I’ve been exhausted out of my mind. My brain has had a pattern – process, process, process SHUT DOWN, process SHUT DOWN, SHUT DOWN, process, process SHUT DOWN, process, process, process, process, SHUT DOWN… [for the past 15 days or so]. Tiring.
- Why did everything have to happen at the same time! All kinds of emotions at once? Really? Tiring.
- I’ve had an icky diet! Sick diet! Eww. Other than lots of mental processing, I ate all kinds of food that I usually don’t eat. No, NO. That doesn’t mean I follow some sort of a fad diet to not put on weight and NO I don’t starve myself (I’ve come across far too many people in the past who believed that HMS happened to me because I didn’t eat enough!), I eat enough for my body and I can’t live without dark chocolates. I have a sensitive stomach, which I have to look after AND I am experimenting with some anti-inflammatory foods. So when I say I had an icky diet, all I mean is that I didn’t eat like I generally would. I ate too much for my body to handle. I didn’t feel like cooking at home and it’s not as if I ate “right” outside.
- My sleep has been especially messy. I’ve been waking up every hour or so, feeling terribly warm at night and sweating at 18 degrees. I’ve been getting up way too early, even before the birds….
- And then spending rest of the day in more pain. Tiring.
And now onto the positive things that came out of this month:
- I feel much better that I sorted some things out over April. It was time. Things could have been a lot worse, but I handled them pretty well. I remained true to my needs, trusted my decisions and I did what I’ve been wanting to for sometime now. It’s always challenging to deal with ultra-sensitive topics! I feel so relieved now.
- I feel much lighter now; after experiencing some heavy emotions. Good thing I didn’t distract myself too much from all that!
- I got some practice with saying NO. A couple of incidents took place which made me realize that it has become especially important for me to say a clear NO and mean it.
- I was presented with an opportunity to look at my entire journey (like watching a movie about my life), since the day I was born till today, and see for myself that I really have come a long way. A really long way…
- While my mind was doing it’s own thing, a part of my heart opened up a bit. I came across new people, new perspectives and new ideas..
- I received beautiful compliments for my blog. It was encouraging to hear good things about it from friends and strangers! People want to read more.
- My Patient Story was finally published on Global Genes!
- I sold one of my patterns! YES! I work on these patterns whenever I’m able to. I take custom orders depending on how much I can really manage.
- I threw away some more old stuff to make space for the new. It turned into a major highlight for this week.
- I got a chance to take things at my own pace. Without any sort of rush, without anyone pushing me to “feel better quickly” or to “be okay already”. I got my time to cry if I wanted to, laugh if I felt like, stare at the ceiling, sit and breathe, write, draw, stay in bed through the day with hot packs…..and just give myself the space and freedom to experience whatever I needed to in order for things to slowly fall back into place. There was a time this wasn’t possible at all and I’m so grateful that it’s possible now.
- I think I’m ready to put everything back in place now :)
Wow, looking at my list of good things.. I don’t think I want to even complain anymore. Just because April brought up some negative stuff and ruined my routine doesn’t actually mean it was THAT bad. Yes, it messed with my feelings and caused my body a lot more pain, but it propelled me forward along with all of that.
Alright April, you haven’t been that mean to me. Thank you.